Friday, September 19, 2008

Mentally Disturbed

I am happy yet I am sad at the same. It’s been a long time since I cried. It is no harm to release all the unhappiness by letting the tear out but I just don’t know how to do it now. Maybe I am too used of the-don’t-care-attitude-as-long-as-I-am-not-involved-in-any-troubles. I want to have a happy kind of life in my university life unfortunately that is not easy as I thought. I already had complicated issue with certain people here in the campus.

Seriously I am getting frustrated over the course I’m taking right now. The passion of architecture is not really there anymore. I design because I was asked to do. I draw because the lecturer wants it that way. I present because I have no other option. I submit because there will be grades given. People around me everyday are talking about design and architecture. Plan, façade, space, rendering, structure, services etc. Why must everything we see to be related to that? Isn’t it good when we just say: “Oh, that’s a nice house. I like it. Full stop.” and not like these: “Yer, look at the colour of the wall, so awful.” or “This space arrangement sucks. Should have done it blablabla instead.” or “You think how tall the ceiling is? Looks too high for me.” Sick man I tell you! Listening to this all the time. It’s only half of the five year course and I’m starting to have such feeling. How am I going to tahan for another five semesters lah.

Sometimes I wish to make more friends from other than the ones in my faculty. Friends who can chit-chat with for non-stop and most importantly no architecture topic during the conversation. That is why it is important to know more friends during the co-curriculum activities. I once felt so ‘free’ when I went out for a lunch with a friend from the other faculty. Ahh, I still remember my secondary school times when my friends and I could be very crazy. Nicholas, Khong Jin, Chia Sheng, Jian Fai, Randy, Yee Mei, Perry, Wai Luen, Sendhil, Shao Jin, Subashini and others. I miss the fufet gang. I miss Mr Loo tuition session. I miss the McD after school every Friday. I miss the LRT rides to school and back home together. I miss you guys so much! And I miss my ex too. She made a spark in my life with so many unforgettable memories. She can be the most understanding and loving person. With that I cherish her forever.

As I am typing this I feel like hugging someone and cry already. If only I could find a place to loosen myself. I will want to go wild in every place that I could go. I need a mate to keep me accompany in JB. Suddenly I feel so lonely. Things become crazy when there are too much of pressure. Sometimes I talk to myself when I am alone. Most of the time, I stay in my own world. I have my own imagination with how things happen and how my life will turn out to be. And it is always so happy to see it goes that way. I don’t care what others say as long have my own choice and thought, be it correct or wrong. Why can’t I do that because they say I shouldn’t? Sometimes it’s not easy going growing to be an adult you know. So enjoy first while I can. That is what I hope to do.

ps: there is someone that keeps me up lately. At least I have something to look forward to in every new day. I am glad and thankful to this person. Cheers! =)